His Praetorian: 2009

A large sample of the American workforce may not realize that summer is upon us full swing. Their workloads do not reflect the change in seasons and for an unfortunate many of us, summer doesn't include kicking back poolside nor does it offer time for regular weekends in the Hamptons or at beach houses in Malibu. To take our minds off it all and the fact that we're either unemployed or overworked (from doing several peoples jobs after mass layoffs), some well-intentioned individuals in NY have come together to organize RECESS.

Recess was created to provide a lifestyle alternative to the otherwise rudimentary and banal activities of our day. RECESS will put on an ongoing series of sports activities starting with the first three planned in the next couple months. Activities such as Badminton (6/20), Table Tennis (8/22), Bocce Ball (9/26). However, for the time being only the New York dwellers will have the priviledge of partaking. I guess you could fly there though? Here's hoping for some expansion of this simple yet highly relevant event-tion.

Click here if want to have Recess!
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Why, Hello.

For the longest time, I was desensitized to the disturbing and often scarring images of countless hipsters across America. Photos that have come to represent what it means to have a cool online photo album posted on a blog or even your totally awesome flickr account. I previously lacked a framework to understand how damaging these photos could be. But now by the grace of g-d and some souls with a vision, I have a medium with which I can be continuously reminded of how damaging such imagery can be. "Look At This F^cking Hipster." I'm still shaken up.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Look At This Fucking Hipster

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Kanye has compiled a little (cough) mixtape to coincide with the release of his instantly extreme collector piece Air Yeezy's. Any celebrity can put their name on an a design from an already established brand like Nike, leave it to Mr. West to dedicate select list of tracks to back it up. I'm not a fan of the whole album but in HP's case, that isn't the point.

Track list and download link after the jump.

01. Wheely Shit [Exclusive]
02. Kinda Like A Big Deal (Feat. Clipse)
03. Magic Man (Feat. Malik Yuself, Common, & John Legend)
04. Maybach Music Pt. 2 (Feat. T-Pain)
05. Flight School (Feat. GLC & T-Pain)
06. We Fight, We Love (Feat. Q-Tip & Consequence)
07. Big Screen (Feat. GLC)
08. Promised Land (Feat. Adam Levine)
09. I Poke Her Face (Feat. Kid Cudi & Common)
10. Teriya King (Feat. Teriyaki Boyz & Big Sean)
11. Digital Girl (Feat. Jamie Foxx & The-Dream)
12. Supernova (Feat. Mr. Hudson)
13. Gifted (Feat. Nasa & Lykke Li)
14. Walking On The Moon (Feat. The-Dream)
15. I’m The Ish (Feat. Dj Class)
16. Diamonds (Feat. Teairra Mari)
17. Ego
18. Knock You Down Feat. Keri Hilson & Ne-Yo
19. What It Is
20. Love Lockdown (Unreleased Version)
21. Welcome To Heartbreak (Feat. Kid Cudi)(Unreleased Version)
22. Payback (Feat. Tim G & Sly)(Unreleased)
23. 187th (Feat. GLC, Tim G, & Arrow Starr)(Unreleased)
24. Drug Dealin (Feat. GLC & Keyshia Cole)(Unreleased Version)

Download here
Twelve gun salute to Knotoryus
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socks for a rapidly changing world. offers a needed emotional outlet for the not quite bi-polar Gemini. homies shouldn't be surprised when i start gifting happy socks.

Happy Socks Blog!

web sight

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While Chicago is primarily famous for gangsters like Al Capone and John Dillinger, it was a man named Flukey Stokes who by the 1980's, came to sit on the throne of the Chicago crime kingdom, running an estimated $50 million heroin business with his son, Willie the Wimp. Flukey was reknowned for his excess and flashiness, but this did nothing to make him any less of a killer. He was accused of more than 30 murders during his reign. All the high times and expensive goods that a profitable drug business could provide were had by Flukey and his son including extravagant mansions, fancy cars, and of course, women. There's a documentary's worth of stories on Flukey and I'm thinking that's probably why they made one about him. It is entitled, "The Flukey Stokes Story" and was produced by As Is, one of the premier urban documentary makers. Perhaps the most well told story about Flukey is pictorialized in the photo below. Yep. That's his son Willie the Wimp, buried in a Cadillac coffin that Flukey had custom made so he'd stay flossed in the afterlife. Nuff said.

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Spike Lee's inspiration for his documentary on Kobe Bryant is derived from another sports documentary that focuses on the french soccer icon Zinedine Zidane. Like Kobe Doin' Work, Zidane: A 2st Century Portrait is filmed in real time with 17 cameras. They were able to capture the footballer, more popularly known as Zizou, during the Spanish Liga Real Madrid vs. Villarreal CF game on April 23, 2005. The film debuted at the 2006 Edinburgh International Film Festival and touts a soundtrack created by the British band, Mogwai. Definitely going to get my hands on this one, both because it looks great and also because (and Ehrlich you may agree) Zizou reminds me of a cross between Arnold Vosloo and Hitman. I said Arnold Vosloo even though I could have said Billy Zane but Arnold Vosloo is way more obscure and I feel good about myself on days I can make Arnold Vosloo references.

Link to official website

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James Sanborn is the Washington D.C based artist/ sculptor who was commissioned to design a piece of art that could represent the history and ideals of the CIA and to adorn the front of it's headquarters. In 1990 he unveiled "Kryptos," a 4 part encryption that the CIA's best took 7 years to crack. Oh but they couldn't crack the whole megillah. The solution to the 4th section has evaded the world's best cryptanalysts to this day. I wonder if the CIA brass look upon the edifice with pride or embarrassment. I'm inclined to believe the latter since Sanborn himself believes they tried to kill the project during it's construction. Would also fit nicely into the notion of "the power of secrecy," a theme recurrent in Sanborn's projects.

More Sanborn works
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Video directed by Daniel Hill

More Harlem
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This is one of those things I hear about and instantly imitate an old New York Jewish man who taps his temple with his index finger and says, "smart. real smart." No it's not the latest installment of the Fast and the Furious franchise. Florida's police agencies have teamed up to start a program called Beat The Heat where street racers can come down to Florida's County Line Drag Way once a month and race the fuzz in anything from a suped up import to grandpa's gremlin, all for only $25 bucks. Since the institution of the program in 2007, police have seen a decline in the amount of illegal street races taking place.

Beat The Heat
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The preview track from the highly blogged about new side project from Vampire Weekend's Rostam Batmanglij and Wes Miles of Ra Ra Riot excites me enough to finish my eco-spring cleaning and make room for a lot of madras. All this while my mind conjures up images of East coast trust fund kids and Consulate offspring cutting loose with Kanye and Jay-Z on a yacht in Montenegro, as the entitled youth bathe in cristal. g-d this is special.

Download: Discovery, Orange Shirt (via Transparent via Neon Gold)
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I remember watching this movie on Saturdays when I was like 5 years old and thinking I was the luckiest boy in the world. However, let me preface any further commentary by saying: THIS MOVIE IS NOT GOOD. Rather, I feel it's important to be aware of it's existence if only as a indicator of how different the theatrical landscape is today. Yes, if you read that statement right, this thing was released in theaters! 1,000 screens. It actually made some noise at the box office. sh*ts crazy. Compound that with the fact that it was produced by Berry Gordy just to be able to synch his latest tracks to a some film product. Still, we stand awe and amazement that something like this once had a chance to light up the silver screen. Also, I just double checked Wikipedia's claim of a remake in the works with Samuel L. as "Sho-nuff the Shogun of Harlem." Apparently it's real. Guess that line about change in the theatrical landscape wasn't very well founded (hands in my pockets, kicking dirt as i walk slowly into obscurity)

This trailer is insane. Watch it with someone you love while taking the poisoned growth. Have a nice weekend.

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The downtown boutique is open by appt. only. This outpost carries finely crafted goods and wears. They'll probably pour you a glass of bourbon and inquire about your life's trade. They may just hand you the bottle.

Secret Service. LA
1855 Industrial St.
No. 107
Los Angeles 90021
213.402.1531

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Generic surplus and Arkitip design magazine got together to create some limited footwear to commemorate the inaugural summmer season of the new Ace Hotel in Palm Springs. To combat the dry desert heat the collabo sneaker uses a specially designed mesh material that is also quick drying and non-slip to aid the feet Garçons working pool-side. The shoe and tote bag (made of the same meshyness) are part of an on-going collaboration between Generic Surplus and Arkitip. A co-design with some practicality and purpose built into it is a welcome sight.

You can pre-order through the Arkitip website.
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Royal Dutch Gazelle began handcrafting bicycles back in 1892. Known in Holland as the "Mercedes Benz of bicycles," you might know them better as the bicycles that make Amsterdam look like the beautiful city that it is. I actually practiced a form of meditation where one imagines him or herself riding one of these through Vondelpark, staring at colorful Dutch citizens on a bright, sunny day. No longer, as a recent law was passed outlawing this form of meditation from being sold in Smart Shops by self-proclaimed "gatekeepers." For shame. You can still own the bike though.

More Vondelpark!

More Gazelle!
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Dev Hynes a.k.a. Lightspeed Champion.

More
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All great westerns have a common denominator. Stellar headwear. Val Kilmer in Tombstone? Sick hat. Sam Elliott, Conagher? Sick hat. Actually, now that I think about it, Sam wears the exact same hat in every movie he does (see Tombstone, Conagher, Golden Compass?)

Mr. Tom Hirt, hat maker to the stars, is the man behind all those wonderfully hand-crafted brims we see on screen. However, Tom considers himself part of a dying breed with an estimated 50 hatmakers left in the U.S. that he holds as masters of the trade. Which is why, according to his site, he plans to start teaching a hat making course sometime this year to pass along this undervalued craft to generations who never knew they needed to learn it. It's also why we've posted about Tom here.

Oh, I forgot to mention. If you're looking to reach Tom, whether for a nice beaver felt Dakota or just to catch up on his hustle, Tom says, and I really quote "I don't check my email very often. And I'm probably out riding, roping, or dancing with the ladies, so if you want to reach me, why don't you just give me a call."

Bad...Ass.

Get at Tom
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Over 4000 protesters took to the streets of London's financial district yesterday to express their anti-capitalist sentiments in honor of the G-20 global economic summit hosted by the city this week. The protest began peacefully but turned hostile as a few hundred protesters clashed with approx 50 riot police, who went about laying hat to the crowd with their signature truncheons. As I read further I started to ask myself, "isn't this a perfect time for the coppers to unveil their newest crime deterrent?" The cardboard bobby.

I can't help but think that any member of the brash citizenry who engaged in the bloody melee might have taken that extra moment to stop and appreciate the cost efficient measures undertaken by the British police forces if they had had a run in with one of these life-size bad boys instead of the real deal holyfield. Instead they got their asses handed to them and earned a free ride in the riot van. In any extent, I applaud the police brass for taking such a forward thinking step in law enforcement although it remains to be seen how far 28,000 dollars in die-cut cardboard officers will go in the line of duty.

Link to Asylum report

NY Times on G-20 protests
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I was in the elevator yesterday with a nice middle-aged woman, riding to the mezzanine level of my building. As the door opened, I did my usual thing with a courteous "after you," making sure to let her pass first. Now normally that's where the scene ends but today, said woman took a few steps and then turned back and quipped, "A gentleman! Where have you all been hiding?" I wasn't able to formulate a quick explanation as to why my simple act seemed to be an anomaly to her. So I thought about it some more...our generation needs a serious gut check on matters of propriety. I figure we can start with something simple, like attire. Oh hello Lyle & Scott. (Cue random traditional Scottish music). Welcome to His Praetorian. You'll be fitting in just fine with your 130 years of history perfecting Scottish knitwear.

When William Lyle and Walker Scott borrowed 1300 quid back in 1874 to form their small knitwear company, the town of Hawick had already become the centre of the British industry. Did they know that their lambswool creations, washed in the local river Teviot, would inherently become a bastion for well-mannered individuals to prove their class and sophistication?

Of course they did. That is why I've placed them here. To serve as a beacon to all you elevator riding heathens who just needed to see the light.

More Lyle & Scott
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The ruffians hail from Midland, Ontario. A town founded in 1840 and also once named, Mundy's Bay, Hartley's Landing, and Abedar, possibly all at the same time.

Born Ruffians
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Many of you may already be familiar with YouTube poster Pruane2Forever, otherwise known as Sexman to his devoted fanbase. If not, it might be because you fantasize about the Maltin Minute or pick up the NY Times only to read A.O. Scott reviews. Picking up where his contemporaries left off, Sexman applies his youthful charm in a no nonsense approach to film, music, and pop culture criticism. No topic is taboo, no actor above reproach. Sexman is honest, thorough, insightful and represents what I believe to be the new breed of media critic. One that speaks to the masses and looks at his or her subject at the level it was meant to be consumed, not from some elitist perch. Real talk. Also, I've heard whispers that some people think we bare some resemblance to one another. Only when the sun is at certain points in the sky though. And hopefully, only when he's not smiling.

Here's a sampling of some of Pruane's most memorable critiques (the Rambo review above is a personal favorite):

Speaking out again porn addicts

The Rihanna & Chris Brown saga

A review of 10,000 B.C.

More Sexman
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We shall try to avoid the past week's lull in posting activity from becoming a habit. Had to get our mind right with some mental spring cleaning.
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Happy St. Patty's day kids.

In keeping with this somber holiday for self-reflection, here's a link to an article foiling some widely believed myth's about Ireland's black beverage.

http://www.asylum.com/2009/03/17/is-it-good-for-you-debunking-10-myths-about-guinness-stout/

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I know you're out there. I know what you're going through. No, I'm not gonna let you blame your parents. Listen. Wait, no seriously, listen to me. What you got? It's a gift, heaven sent. All that time you spent practicing by yourself in the woods behind your house for fear of ridicule? Each and every time, you were risking your life. One slight jerk, one centimeter in the wrong direction and you would have bled to death alone, on a pile of rotting maple leaves. All to perfect a craft you were convinced no one gave a damn about anymore. You thought it was all for naught. But you're dead wrong. You DO have a place in society and it's here, amongst your peers.

The Sword Swallowers Association International or the SSAI is on the lookout for new candidates worthy of induction. Interested applicants need only to submit video proof documenting a sword swallow of a minimum 15 inch long and 2 inch wide blade. Oh, and if you're that extra special deep throater who likes to swallow more than one excalibur at a time, you've got to do that shit simultaneously, not one by one. Sorry, rules are rules. They're meant to test your metal(sp). Sorry i had to.

Anyway, this sword swallower support group launched in 2002, prides itself on being the only "elite private organization made up OF sword swallowers, BY sword swallowers, and FOR sword swallowers." Nothing like those other fraudulent sword swallowing unions that make false promises of fame, fortune and a great family heathcare plan.

For way more than you could possibly ever dream of knowing about the ancient art, click here
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The other day I felt the need to engage in some form of artistic expression, and so I turned to our young president for inspiration. 2 weeks and $300 dollars in art supplies later, I was ready to unveil the following...

Yes I know it deserves an audience. It's covered. Dines is getting me into Gallery 1988 as the front window display.

Ok I didn't paint it, but I DID recently come across this taste-maker's collection
http://badpaintingsofbarackobama.com/ and I find myself going back to it on the regular. Initially for amusement, I've become enamored with looking at the way in which these artists see our President...and in some cases show how Obama is a shoe-in to be the face of their cult (one seems to be a pamphlet cover for some new dianetics material). Still, there's an interesting dialogue to be found in the awkward context and often poor quality of these eclectic doodles of "Eagle One." So please, take your time.

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Félix Fénéon was the author of more than 1000 news items published in the French newspaper Le Matin in 1906. Novels In Three Lines represents a collection of that impressive body of work. Anonymously, Félix summarized stories of murder, mischief, and folly all in a space of 3 lines. His "prose" was characterized by an underlying humor and irony which demonstrated his deftness at numbing a reader to the darkest events of the day. The years he spent working as a low level clerk for the French War Deparment might be to thank. Interestingly enough, until 1940 no one really cared to find out who the man writing all the witty poems about death and misfortune was.

I like picking this up from time to time and starting from a random page. I'm a sucker for 100 year old dark humor. Only the French kind though. Big ups to my man Luc Sante for a wicked introduction and spot on translation.
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I've received several inquiries from readers who want a better understanding of the overarching purpose for His Praetorian's existence. I wanted to post a little something that hopefully will satiate these beautiful people, and let the blog continue unfettered.

Each day we're overloaded with cultural influences that compete for our attention. With such inundation, an individual can be jaded into offering his or her "loyalty" to seemingly significant, but in fact, superficial minutiae. During the height of the Roman empire, the Praetorian Guard was dedicated to protecting only those emperors deemed worthy, and to whom they showed the fiercest of loyalty. It is in this same spirit, that His Praetorian is committed to defending, or posting, that which is oft-overlooked, yet meritorious and culturally essential.

Marching forward, we invite you to share your thoughts, criticisms, life changing insights, and any expressions of support. Additionally, if there's something out there you feel deserves the protection of His Praetorian, leave us comment outlining its merits.

"Welcome to the New World"
-- Sir William Thatcher
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Normally I don't pay any attention when i get an invitation to join something online for special discounts or some niche social networks. Those sites either don't offer enough redeeming value for all the time I spend signing up or, with regard to those discount sites, there's so much product and content coming your way, you've no idea where to start. However, last week I was invited by a friend, whose referrals I actually take seriously, to join The Gilt Groupe. It's an invitation only site where you get new quality goods at sample prices (60-70% off). None of that 3 seasons old stuff, unless you enjoy buying down jackets in May and linen shorts in December. In our current economic climate, does anything makes this much sense? They only a sell a few things at a time and each sale lasts 24 hrs but they have a calendar so you can see what's on the horizon. While you could just as easily go the Randolph and Mortimer route, letting your best Band of Outsiders shirts and A.P.C. denim go threadbare from overwear, I believe you'd be well served spending a few moments on this handy site.

Leave me a comment with your email if you'd like the invite.

The Gilt Groupe.
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This little gem, directed by Michael Apted (ENOUGH, NELL) gives us Val Kilmer as Ray Levoi, an FBI agent suppressing his Sioux ancestry who is sent to an Indian reservation to investigate a murder. Before he can truly realize the stakes underlying the crime and find the killer, he must first come to terms with his heritage. Graham Greene as reservation detective Walter Crow Horse is flawless, allowing Kilmer to deliver a tour-de-force performance in Levoi. Actually, no, not really. But how can you pass up VK doing what he does best? Foaming sarcasm at the mouth, feigning anything resembling empathy until the 3rd act. The 3rd act, in this case, turns out to be Kilmer's realization that he must fulfill a prophecy and become "Thunderheart," the savior the Sioux people have been waiting for to rid the land of murderous pillagers. And honestly? It's magical.

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The Jets hail from a lovely place called Eel Pie Island in Twickenham, London. Up until recently Henry Harrison, the father of lead singer and keyboardist Blaine Harrison was a touring member of the band.

An MW for His Praetorian selection

More Jets
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Thought these were a cool idea. They're called TankBooks. I heard about them a couple years back and tried to buy some by emailing the company directly. Unfortunately, they weren't being sold in the U.S. anywhere at the time AND they wouldn't ship. Fine. But then the other day, would you believe I saw one sitting on my roommate's dresser? I guess that's what I get for not staying on top of TankBooks now "flourishing" U.S. sales. Btw, the roommate in violation is the one that smokes. Or would it be smoked? No matter. Maybe someone will gift me one this June 4th.

TankBooks
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To assuage your inner Guy Fawkes, there's a flash mob in the works for this Saturday, March 7th at the home of our dear mayor. Apparently it's in protest of the mayor's pledge to raise taxes and start charging 40 bucks extra for garbage collection. Plans call for each person to walk onto Antonio's lawn and dump one bag of trash all over his flora at 8pm sharp. Some might argue that blowing up Parliament and dumping trash on the mayor's lawn don't balance a scale. I offer a strong shake of my forefinger in opposition to these sorry fools...definitely one of the more ballsy ones I've ever heard of.

For those cocksure individuals who fear nothing and roam the streets of weho looking for their chance to give em some blood n' vinegar, here's the address.

605 S Irving Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90005

Maybe I'll wear a mask of your face next 5th of November.

More flash mobs

Flash mob theivery
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I'm upset guys.

I'm also really happy! Happy to finally learn of a certain Syrian Brown Bear that pulled his fucking weight (they're usually lazy, picnic trashing hooligans). But upset that it isn't a more well-known story, as it happened some 60 years ago. Wojtek was an abandoned bear cub, discovered by a local boy in Hamadan, Persia (present day Iran) in 1942. He was sold to a group of Polish soldiers stationed nearby in exchange for some meat tins. Please don't me ask what kind of meat because I don't know. But safe to say the kid got a shitty deal.

The rest of the story goes basically like this. Polish soldiers trained Wojtek, feeding him a diet of fruits and more imporantly, beer and cigarettes. He soon became the unofficial mascot of all polish units in the area where he was stationed. Like any smart military would, they drafted him into the Polish Army, listing Wojtek as a soldier of the 22nd Artillery Supply Company of the Polish II Corps. Amazing idea. Imagine the public relations nightmare for the Nazi's commanders trying to spin to their men why the Poles had a fighting Brown bear. During the Battle of Monte Cassino in Southern Italy, Wojtek "the badass" aided his fellow comrades by carrying crates of ammunition to them, never dropping a single crate or shell. Disney movie anyone? Or at least a Saturday morning cartoon. Screw it. There's only two things I need to say. One, is that the following picture will be going up on my wall:

And two, the last time I heard about an animal this cool, it was a dolphin named "Jones" in a fictional movie entitled, JOHNNY MNEUMONIC (post to come later with my extremely well formulated thoughts on this soon to be relevant again picture, directed by Robert Longo who eerily enough never directed any feature film before or after).

A short historical video on Voytek.

Click here for more

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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Friday, May 22, 2009

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Friday, March 13, 2009

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Monday, March 9, 2009

Friday, March 6, 2009

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Monday, March 2, 2009

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

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