members so esteemed, they make it hard to swallow

I know you're out there. I know what you're going through. No, I'm not gonna let you blame your parents. Listen. Wait, no seriously, listen to me. What you got? It's a gift, heaven sent. All that time you spent practicing by yourself in the woods behind your house for fear of ridicule? Each and every time, you were risking your life. One slight jerk, one centimeter in the wrong direction and you would have bled to death alone, on a pile of rotting maple leaves. All to perfect a craft you were convinced no one gave a damn about anymore. You thought it was all for naught. But you're dead wrong. You DO have a place in society and it's here, amongst your peers.


The Sword Swallowers Association International or the SSAI is on the lookout for new candidates worthy of induction. Interested applicants need only to submit video proof documenting a sword swallow of a minimum 15 inch long and 2 inch wide blade. Oh, and if you're that extra special deep throater who likes to swallow more than one excalibur at a time, you've got to do that shit simultaneously, not one by one. Sorry, rules are rules. They're meant to test your metal(sp). Sorry i had to.

Anyway, this sword swallower support group launched in 2002, prides itself on being the only "elite private organization made up OF sword swallowers, BY sword swallowers, and FOR sword swallowers." Nothing like those other fraudulent sword swallowing unions that make false promises of fame, fortune and a great family heathcare plan.

For way more than you could possibly ever dream of knowing about the ancient art, click here