lyle and scott: because just any old knit won't do

I was in the elevator yesterday with a nice middle-aged woman, riding to the mezzanine level of my building. As the door opened, I did my usual thing with a courteous "after you," making sure to let her pass first. Now normally that's where the scene ends but today, said woman took a few steps and then turned back and quipped, "A gentleman! Where have you all been hiding?" I wasn't able to formulate a quick explanation as to why my simple act seemed to be an anomaly to her. So I thought about it some more...our generation needs a serious gut check on matters of propriety. I figure we can start with something simple, like attire. Oh hello Lyle & Scott. (Cue random traditional Scottish music). Welcome to His Praetorian. You'll be fitting in just fine with your 130 years of history perfecting Scottish knitwear.



When William Lyle and Walker Scott borrowed 1300 quid back in 1874 to form their small knitwear company, the town of Hawick had already become the centre of the British industry. Did they know that their lambswool creations, washed in the local river Teviot, would inherently become a bastion for well-mannered individuals to prove their class and sophistication?



Of course they did. That is why I've placed them here. To serve as a beacon to all you elevator riding heathens who just needed to see the light.



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march to: born ruffians "i need a life"

The ruffians hail from Midland, Ontario. A town founded in 1840 and also once named, Mundy's Bay, Hartley's Landing, and Abedar, possibly all at the same time.



Born Ruffians
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sexman vs. the world

Many of you may already be familiar with YouTube poster Pruane2Forever, otherwise known as Sexman to his devoted fanbase. If not, it might be because you fantasize about the Maltin Minute or pick up the NY Times only to read A.O. Scott reviews. Picking up where his contemporaries left off, Sexman applies his youthful charm in a no nonsense approach to film, music, and pop culture criticism. No topic is taboo, no actor above reproach. Sexman is honest, thorough, insightful and represents what I believe to be the new breed of media critic. One that speaks to the masses and looks at his or her subject at the level it was meant to be consumed, not from some elitist perch. Real talk. Also, I've heard whispers that some people think we bare some resemblance to one another. Only when the sun is at certain points in the sky though. And hopefully, only when he's not smiling.

Here's a sampling of some of Pruane's most memorable critiques (the Rambo review above is a personal favorite):

Speaking out again porn addicts



The Rihanna & Chris Brown saga



A review of 10,000 B.C.



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apologies for the lag time...

We shall try to avoid the past week's lull in posting activity from becoming a habit. Had to get our mind right with some mental spring cleaning.
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you deserve a "pint of plain" today

Happy St. Patty's day kids.

In keeping with this somber holiday for self-reflection, here's a link to an article foiling some widely believed myth's about Ireland's black beverage.

http://www.asylum.com/2009/03/17/is-it-good-for-you-debunking-10-myths-about-guinness-stout/


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members so esteemed, they make it hard to swallow

I know you're out there. I know what you're going through. No, I'm not gonna let you blame your parents. Listen. Wait, no seriously, listen to me. What you got? It's a gift, heaven sent. All that time you spent practicing by yourself in the woods behind your house for fear of ridicule? Each and every time, you were risking your life. One slight jerk, one centimeter in the wrong direction and you would have bled to death alone, on a pile of rotting maple leaves. All to perfect a craft you were convinced no one gave a damn about anymore. You thought it was all for naught. But you're dead wrong. You DO have a place in society and it's here, amongst your peers.


The Sword Swallowers Association International or the SSAI is on the lookout for new candidates worthy of induction. Interested applicants need only to submit video proof documenting a sword swallow of a minimum 15 inch long and 2 inch wide blade. Oh, and if you're that extra special deep throater who likes to swallow more than one excalibur at a time, you've got to do that shit simultaneously, not one by one. Sorry, rules are rules. They're meant to test your metal(sp). Sorry i had to.

Anyway, this sword swallower support group launched in 2002, prides itself on being the only "elite private organization made up OF sword swallowers, BY sword swallowers, and FOR sword swallowers." Nothing like those other fraudulent sword swallowing unions that make false promises of fame, fortune and a great family heathcare plan.

For way more than you could possibly ever dream of knowing about the ancient art, click here
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new medium: barack and oil on canvas

The other day I felt the need to engage in some form of artistic expression, and so I turned to our young president for inspiration. 2 weeks and $300 dollars in art supplies later, I was ready to unveil the following...


Yes I know it deserves an audience. It's covered. Dines is getting me into Gallery 1988 as the front window display.

Ok I didn't paint it, but I DID recently come across this taste-maker's collection
http://badpaintingsofbarackobama.com/ and I find myself going back to it on the regular. Initially for amusement, I've become enamored with looking at the way in which these artists see our President...and in some cases show how Obama is a shoe-in to be the face of their cult (one seems to be a pamphlet cover for some new dianetics material). Still, there's an interesting dialogue to be found in the awkward context and often poor quality of these eclectic doodles of "Eagle One." So please, take your time.






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félix fénéon: novels in 3 lines

Félix Fénéon was the author of more than 1000 news items published in the French newspaper Le Matin in 1906. Novels In Three Lines represents a collection of that impressive body of work. Anonymously, Félix summarized stories of murder, mischief, and folly all in a space of 3 lines. His "prose" was characterized by an underlying humor and irony which demonstrated his deftness at numbing a reader to the darkest events of the day. The years he spent working as a low level clerk for the French War Deparment might be to thank. Interestingly enough, until 1940 no one really cared to find out who the man writing all the witty poems about death and misfortune was.

I like picking this up from time to time and starting from a random page. I'm a sucker for 100 year old dark humor. Only the French kind though. Big ups to my man Luc Sante for a wicked introduction and spot on translation.
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His Praetorian for the masses

I've received several inquiries from readers who want a better understanding of the overarching purpose for His Praetorian's existence. I wanted to post a little something that hopefully will satiate these beautiful people, and let the blog continue unfettered.

Each day we're overloaded with cultural influences that compete for our attention. With such inundation, an individual can be jaded into offering his or her "loyalty" to seemingly significant, but in fact, superficial minutiae. During the height of the Roman empire, the Praetorian Guard was dedicated to protecting only those emperors deemed worthy, and to whom they showed the fiercest of loyalty. It is in this same spirit, that His Praetorian is committed to defending, or posting, that which is oft-overlooked, yet meritorious and culturally essential.

Marching forward, we invite you to share your thoughts, criticisms, life changing insights, and any expressions of support. Additionally, if there's something out there you feel deserves the protection of His Praetorian, leave us comment outlining its merits.

"Welcome to the New World"
-- Sir William Thatcher
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buy gilt free

Normally I don't pay any attention when i get an invitation to join something online for special discounts or some niche social networks. Those sites either don't offer enough redeeming value for all the time I spend signing up or, with regard to those discount sites, there's so much product and content coming your way, you've no idea where to start. However, last week I was invited by a friend, whose referrals I actually take seriously, to join The Gilt Groupe. It's an invitation only site where you get new quality goods at sample prices (60-70% off). None of that 3 seasons old stuff, unless you enjoy buying down jackets in May and linen shorts in December. In our current economic climate, does anything makes this much sense? They only a sell a few things at a time and each sale lasts 24 hrs but they have a calendar so you can see what's on the horizon. While you could just as easily go the Randolph and Mortimer route, letting your best Band of Outsiders shirts and A.P.C. denim go threadbare from overwear, I believe you'd be well served spending a few moments on this handy site.

Leave me a comment with your email if you'd like the invite.

The Gilt Groupe.
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1992 gave us: thunderheart

This little gem, directed by Michael Apted (ENOUGH, NELL) gives us Val Kilmer as Ray Levoi, an FBI agent suppressing his Sioux ancestry who is sent to an Indian reservation to investigate a murder. Before he can truly realize the stakes underlying the crime and find the killer, he must first come to terms with his heritage. Graham Greene as reservation detective Walter Crow Horse is flawless, allowing Kilmer to deliver a tour-de-force performance in Levoi. Actually, no, not really. But how can you pass up VK doing what he does best? Foaming sarcasm at the mouth, feigning anything resembling empathy until the 3rd act. The 3rd act, in this case, turns out to be Kilmer's realization that he must fulfill a prophecy and become "Thunderheart," the savior the Sioux people have been waiting for to rid the land of murderous pillagers. And honestly? It's magical.


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march to: mystery jets "flakes"

The Jets hail from a lovely place called Eel Pie Island in Twickenham, London. Up until recently Henry Harrison, the father of lead singer and keyboardist Blaine Harrison was a touring member of the band.

An MW for His Praetorian selection

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a smooth, mellow pack of kafka

Thought these were a cool idea. They're called TankBooks. I heard about them a couple years back and tried to buy some by emailing the company directly. Unfortunately, they weren't being sold in the U.S. anywhere at the time AND they wouldn't ship. Fine. But then the other day, would you believe I saw one sitting on my roommate's dresser? I guess that's what I get for not staying on top of TankBooks now "flourishing" U.S. sales. Btw, the roommate in violation is the one that smokes. Or would it be smoked? No matter. Maybe someone will gift me one this June 4th.

TankBooks
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flash mob special: casa villarigosa

To assuage your inner Guy Fawkes, there's a flash mob in the works for this Saturday, March 7th at the home of our dear mayor. Apparently it's in protest of the mayor's pledge to raise taxes and start charging 40 bucks extra for garbage collection. Plans call for each person to walk onto Antonio's lawn and dump one bag of trash all over his flora at 8pm sharp. Some might argue that blowing up Parliament and dumping trash on the mayor's lawn don't balance a scale. I offer a strong shake of my forefinger in opposition to these sorry fools...definitely one of the more ballsy ones I've ever heard of.

For those cocksure individuals who fear nothing and roam the streets of weho looking for their chance to give em some blood n' vinegar, here's the address.

605 S Irving Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90005

Maybe I'll wear a mask of your face next 5th of November.

More flash mobs

Flash mob theivery
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